Sadness

These past couple weeks have had a lot of ups and downs.  I know God gives us difficult times so that we can appreciate the good and build character... but... I'm ready to move back to some happy times!  Don't get me wrong... there are a lot of happy things in my life right now.  But there have also been a lot of difficult things going and it has been hard not to feel some deep sadness.  I'm sorry if this post feels vague but I feel like I need to get a few things off my chest without going into too much detail. 

A young client that I have been working closely with for 5 or so years unexpectedly passed away the week before last.  I can't go into any details on here but it has really affected me more than I ever could have imagined.  Is there something I could have done?  This question has really made me look at my job differently.  I love what I do.  The drama comes in when the politics of state government get in the way, the budget cuts, the micro-managing... I am always complaining about these things.  At what point do the clients suffer?  Sometimes it feels like no one else cares about the thing that should be most important.  So this is one big thing that I'm struggling with at the moment.  

Some close family members are also dealing with very serious health concerns as well.  More will come on that soon but I ask that anyone who reads my blog to please keep my family in their prayers. 

Something else that I have had trouble getting far from my mind is completely random.  I have several blogs that I love reading daily.  I have this little routine after putting Brianna to bed for the night.  I clean up her toys as quietly as possible because I'm paranoid that she will hear me and think I'm out there playing with her toys without her (weird, I know) and then I grab my computer and skim through my favorite blogs.  Some of the blogs I read are of people I know but others I have found through friends of friends of people that I have never met.  This happened about a week ago when I discovered a blog about a beautiful baby boy.  It is called Jamesie Beats the Tumor (http://jamescamdensikes.blogspot.com).  At first the adorable face, big eyes and mess of hair of a little angle baby caught my eye and I was hooked.  After reading a bit this story captivated me.  Baby Jamesie went to heaven at only 8 months old.  This story of two incredibly brave parents going through the loss of their baby boy has truly made me appreciate every little second I have with my beautiful daughter.  I am filled with sorrow for this family but they have inspired me to thank God daily for letting be spend the time that I have had with Brianna.  (Warning: don't visit this blog without the tissues ready... I warned you.)

So while I have been experiencing all of this anxiety about my baby turning a year old... I am thankful that I have this to experience.  I am not taking for granted the fact that I have a vibrant, healthy, sweet baby girl to love.  Every time she spits her food all over me, every time I wake up in the middle of the night to calm her, every time I pick up her toys, every time she crawls behind the couch and gets stuck... I am giving thanks that I get to be her mother for even one more day.  Life is fragile... people can be taken from us when we least expect it.  I'm challenging myself to love to the fullest.  Give everything I can to my marriage, my daughter, my family and my friends.  Be the person I want to be today... because tomorrow might not be there!