Sadness

These past couple weeks have had a lot of ups and downs.  I know God gives us difficult times so that we can appreciate the good and build character... but... I'm ready to move back to some happy times!  Don't get me wrong... there are a lot of happy things in my life right now.  But there have also been a lot of difficult things going and it has been hard not to feel some deep sadness.  I'm sorry if this post feels vague but I feel like I need to get a few things off my chest without going into too much detail. 

A young client that I have been working closely with for 5 or so years unexpectedly passed away the week before last.  I can't go into any details on here but it has really affected me more than I ever could have imagined.  Is there something I could have done?  This question has really made me look at my job differently.  I love what I do.  The drama comes in when the politics of state government get in the way, the budget cuts, the micro-managing... I am always complaining about these things.  At what point do the clients suffer?  Sometimes it feels like no one else cares about the thing that should be most important.  So this is one big thing that I'm struggling with at the moment.  

Some close family members are also dealing with very serious health concerns as well.  More will come on that soon but I ask that anyone who reads my blog to please keep my family in their prayers. 

Something else that I have had trouble getting far from my mind is completely random.  I have several blogs that I love reading daily.  I have this little routine after putting Brianna to bed for the night.  I clean up her toys as quietly as possible because I'm paranoid that she will hear me and think I'm out there playing with her toys without her (weird, I know) and then I grab my computer and skim through my favorite blogs.  Some of the blogs I read are of people I know but others I have found through friends of friends of people that I have never met.  This happened about a week ago when I discovered a blog about a beautiful baby boy.  It is called Jamesie Beats the Tumor (http://jamescamdensikes.blogspot.com).  At first the adorable face, big eyes and mess of hair of a little angle baby caught my eye and I was hooked.  After reading a bit this story captivated me.  Baby Jamesie went to heaven at only 8 months old.  This story of two incredibly brave parents going through the loss of their baby boy has truly made me appreciate every little second I have with my beautiful daughter.  I am filled with sorrow for this family but they have inspired me to thank God daily for letting be spend the time that I have had with Brianna.  (Warning: don't visit this blog without the tissues ready... I warned you.)

So while I have been experiencing all of this anxiety about my baby turning a year old... I am thankful that I have this to experience.  I am not taking for granted the fact that I have a vibrant, healthy, sweet baby girl to love.  Every time she spits her food all over me, every time I wake up in the middle of the night to calm her, every time I pick up her toys, every time she crawls behind the couch and gets stuck... I am giving thanks that I get to be her mother for even one more day.  Life is fragile... people can be taken from us when we least expect it.  I'm challenging myself to love to the fullest.  Give everything I can to my marriage, my daughter, my family and my friends.  Be the person I want to be today... because tomorrow might not be there!   

11 Months of Love

Brianna is officially 11 months old.  I feel like we just brought her home from the hospital yesterday.  Where has this time gone?  Ugh... The above picture isn't the best but it shows her in action.  She is so busy these days it is hard to get good pictures!  This was actually the first time she took a step on her own so it is forever now a part of Brianna's history :) 

The good news is I'm in love with this stage.  I'm pretty sure I have said that a lot this past year but I feel like this time really is the best.  It is so much fun and everything doesn't feel as crazy stressful as it did before.  I'm sure the stress is just away for a bit and will come back but I am enjoying it for now!

Brianna has officially taken one step a couple times.  She is so close to walking.  At first she would start running as soon as she stood up on a walking toy but now she has the control to slowly walk across the room.  It is only a matter of time before she is doing this all by herself!  For now that baby can crawl at lightning speed.

She will play independently for long periods of time as long as I'm in the room.  If I leave the room she wants to be with me.  She loves music.  She loves hearing people sing and loves listening to the radio and any toy that plays music.  She loves to dance.  No matter how short a song may be, my little girl still shakes her booty and lights up with a smile.

My sweet girl mimics everything these days.  She holds toys up to ear like phones.  If I answer my phone and she doesn't have a toy in her hand she will hold her little hand up to her ear and say "HI!".  She can say a lot of words these days.  Here are a few I can think of at the moment: mama, dada, boo, ball (ba) and hi.  She loves her baby dolls and will try to say baby when she holds it.  She basically mouths the word.  She imitates a ton of sounds.  She loves to say "mmmmm" when she eats.  She still does "so big" and has been able to do the motions to patty cake and wheels on the bus for over a month.  When I ask her to get a certain toy she can find that toy.  When I ask for kisses she gives me a big open mouth smooch on the lips.  When I hug her she pats my back.  The best feeling in the world is when I randomly pick her up and she hugs me and I feel her little hand pat my back.  She is such a sweet baby!

She surprisingly still listens and obeys "NO" pretty well.  When she hears the word she will stop, turn around and look at you and shake her head.  Sometimes she will keep trying whatever she is doing that she isn't supposed to but she listens very well most of the time.

Brianna doesn't get shy very often.  She loves people and loves to be out and about.  She knows how to get attention.  She will show you all of her tricks if you let her.  It is impossible for me not to smile when I see her sweet face.

I posted recently about her new bedtime routine and that continues to go well.  She knows what is coming when I say "night night" but she falls asleep fairly quickly.  I still dread it but know it is best for her to go to sleep on her own in her crib.  She continues to sleep about 12 hours.   I dread having to wake her up tomorrow morning to go the sitter.  I love her to be able to wake up and spend the morning at home.  At least I get three day weekends most weeks!

One more month until I have a one year old little girl... I'm so not ready!

Crying it Out

Brianna has had some huge developments in the past couple weeks... heck... the past couple days even, which I will be posting about this weekend in her 11 MONTH POST!!  11 months already... insane.

One of the biggest things, to me at least, is her bedtime routine.  For the first few months of Brianna's life she would want to be put down when she was tired and would put herself to sleep.  A big part of this was the sleep training I did with Becoming Baby Wise but once she started having ear infection after ear infection and didn't feel well she liked to be rocked to sleep.  I LOVED this time.  I loved the cuddles, I loved watching her with her pacifier in her mouth and holding onto her blankie and I loved that moment when she fell asleep and looked so peaceful and relaxed.  The past few weeks have not been quite so peaceful.  If I could get her to calm down enough to fall asleep then the second I tried to put her in her crib she would scream and I would start all over.  Friends and family kept telling me I was crazy and that I   was spoiling her and that it is just setting myself up for more trouble in the future.  This really upset me.  I feel like she is my only child so I should be able to spoil her.  I want the cuddle time as much as she does.  But after fighting night after night I realized something had to change.  Not only was it stressing me out and I wasn't getting any sleep, she was miserable too!

A few nights ago Michael realized I wasn't going to be able to be the one to be the bad guy.  He told me to go lay down (I desperately needed sleep) and he was going to put her in her crib to cry it out.  Well... Brianna and I BOTH ended up crying it out.  For a solid thirty minutes I sat in the bedroom crying while she screamed at the top of her lungs.  I would come out every five minutes or so and Michael wouldn't let me go in the room.  He literally ended up sitting on the floor in front of her bedroom door so I couldn't sneak in.  It had to be as hard on him as it was for us but he stuck to it.  She finally calmed down and fell asleep and slept 11 hours.  It was torture... but it worked.

Since then I have been putting her in her crib for naps (when I have her during the day) and bedtime.  She knows what is coming and doesn't like it.  She screams but doesn't immediately stand up like she was before.  I turn on her little fish aquarium and give her her blankie and pacifier and walk out.  She has rarely cried longer than 5 minutes.  Even though I know it is what needs to happen and it is proving to work, it is still hard for me.

I'm starting to get nervous about the transition from formula to milk, bottle to cup and getting rid of the pacifier.  These are things I've never really given much thought to so I'm surprised it is causing me so much anxiety.  I guess I want to hold on to my baby being a BABY just a little bit longer!

A Visit and a New Year!

I've been reading a lot of blogs about how terrible 2011 was and how 2012 is welcomed with open arms. I agree... 2011 was a rough year.  

But my biggest dream came true in 2011...

 This was my sweet baby girl at 6 weeks old.  It is amazing how fast time has gone!

We had more than a new year visit us this past week, Kimberly came up to NKY to visit!  Brianna was four months old the last time she was in town so it was a long overdue reunion.  The weekend went way too quickly but Brianna and I had a lot of fun!  I think Kimberly left very exhausted but at least some new memories were made and old traditions were followed.  

Wednesday night we just hung out after her long drive up.  Thursday I had to work but then we had a wonderful dinner with Tara at Buckhead.  Brianna was a little flirt and was in love with our waiter.  I'm in big trouble...

Friday was a day that I have been waiting months to arrive!  We had planned a girl's day that involved Brianna staying home with Daddy and a group of us going to my favorite, Benihana, and a movie.  It was several hours of absolute baby free bliss!  I missed my girl and after going our separate ways I was very excited kiss some Brianna cheeks.  

Saturday morning our fun adventure was to the Krohn Conservatory.  We have been there so many times but taking  Brianna at such a fun age was the best!  She loved people watching, seeing the trains, and pointing at the beautiful flowers.  

When we got there we saw this little surprise...

This baby lamb was sticking close to its Mommy with its little shaky legs.  After telling some family about this on Sunday, I was told she was born Christmas day and was named Mary Christmas.  How cute is that? I want to go back and see her again!

Tara, her niece, Dakota, and Lisa joined us.  It is so fun being with old friends.  (Kimberly took the picture... we had a stranger take one with all of us but it was on Kim's camera!)

Look at this happy girl!

I just love this baby!

And finally some pictures with her Aunt Kimmie! 

We ended 2011 with a nice dinner with Michael followed by a dance party at home where Brianna shook her booty.  

I'm happy to ring in a new year that I'm sure will bring a lot of challenges as well as much happiness.  

I hope everyone has enjoyed some good family and friend time over these past couple weeks.  I always find the first week in a new year a little stressful.  Getting back into the swing of things is difficult!  

Happy 2012!