Fall TV 2013

So this time last year I was posting about my excitement for Fall TV.  

This time of year when the air is crisp, it gets darker earlier and all of the new fall shows have started has always been my favorite.  I've never been a PSL lover... but I am excited about Pumpkin Pie.  I'm excited to take some picture with Brianna at the garden center with some mums and pumpkins.  

I haven't had much time to catch many television shows but I have been enjoying the return of New Girl.  Before things really started improving with my Dad I enjoyed getting my mind off things with New Girl.  It is the only show that really truly makes me laugh out loud.  I love it.  

The only two other shows I have watched this fall are Nashville and Grey's.  I have been having trouble watching them though.  Seeing people on venilators and all of these medical issues that have been such a huge part of my life has left me not being able to watch some of the subject matter that never used to bother me.  

The other show I've been excited about is Parenthood.  I think last spring I began watching Parenthood on Netflix and fell in love.  I watched all four (I think) seasons pretty quickly.  And then found out it had been renewed for this fall and I was so excited about the season premiere the week before last.  However, now that I'm two episodes in, I realize I enjoyed the show much more while "binge watching".  So should I continue watching through the season or give up and binge watch when the season is over. 

Kimberly is very close to having me convinced I need to binge watch season 1 of Scandal.  I will have to keep you posted on that one.  

Decisions, decisions... 

To be quite honest, there has been a lot of family drama for me right now.  I'm anxious for some time with my girlfriends, more outings with Michael, Brianna and I or to dive into a new book series.  Until those other things happen, I'm trying to enjoy fall... and the new television that comes with it. 

Weekend Getaway

Since we went to Florida in May this year we felt like we didn't have a lot to look forward to travel-wise this summer.  We had thrown around the idea of going to Florida again around Labor Day but after checking to see if the family condo was available and finding out it wasn't, we started brainstorming some short trips that are closer to home that would give us a little break to look forward to without the expense and planning that is required for a complete second vacation.

So months ago, we booked a weekend trip to Gatlinburg.  We figured there is a ton of stuff for Brianna and it would be relaxing to visit the mountains as the leaves start to turn for fall.  Then my Dad got sick.  He was stable, able to communicate with me by using a pen to spell out on a board what he wanted to say, and while I felt a lot of anxiety about leaving him... I knew it was OK.  And Brianna has been missing her Mommy so it was much needed quality time.

So we swam in the pool, had family time in our bathing suits in the huge jacuzzi tub in our cabin, went to the Dixie Stampede, Aquarium, shopped, ate, ate and ate lots of yummy food and it was nice.  Brianna had been having some sleep regression before the trip and that only got worse so she was a little,  okay, A LOT, more cranky than normal but we managed.  Here are a few pictures of our time in Gatlinburg.

It was a nice little trip but we were happy to get home- especially so that I could get back to the hospital with Dad.  But the good news is that we have implemented strict afternoon naps for Brianna since we returned.  Life has been so much better now that the two year old is getting enough sleep!  

Progress

Life is still pretty crazy, I still wish I had a pause button to press to calm things down, and I'm still an anxious mess... BUT... Things have come a very long way in the past week.  I don't have the guts to read my previous blog posts because I can't experience that emotion again just yet but I thought I would post a bit of an update of where things are now and express how incredibly grateful I am for the thoughts and prayers that have gotten us to today. A lot of this post is mostly for me to remember so feel free to skip through some of the details!

After four weeks and three days in Intensive Care my dad was MOVED to another hospital last Monday to continue healing and begin rehabilitation.  I had a lot of issues with this... my dad on the other hand was ecstatic.  I didn't understand how there wasn't any kind of "stepdown" from ICU to rehabilitative care.  He was going from his own room with the best nurses, the best doctors and pretty much one on one care to a place that he was sharing a room and there are way too many patients per nurse.  Dad wanted me to be there for the move so I took some time off work to be there.  He was excited but the change and unknown had me a nervous wreck.  When everything was finally coordinated and the EMT's were there to transport him I gave him a kiss, got in my car, and drove to the new hospital to meet him.  I held it together until I had issues parking at the new hospital, got lost when trying to find his floor (this hospital has at least four different sets of elevators and only one takes you to his floor) and then when I made it to the floor they made me wait by the elevators until he was "settled".  I start looking around to observe the surroundings.  I see people on cell phones, laughing and joking, and speaking unprofessionally with colorful language. Those who know me know I don't cuss... I don't judge people who do but it is a personal choice not to use certain language.  That was all I needed to break into tears.  Full and complete meltdown.  Tears that I had held in for too long.  

My mom met me there at that point and didn't understand why I was so upset.  When we were finally able to go to his room we walked through the cramped hallways to a room where there is room basically just for his bed and a small table with drawers for his personal items.  The ventilator was crammed in the corner, the tube feed was hanging on the other side along with the suction that he desperately needed at this point.  I immediately helped get him comfortable in the bed.  They didn't bother to do that.  I left the room a couple times because I couldn't hold back my tears.  I heard my mom telling my dad that he needs to act like he is okay because I was upset.  I walked back into the room with tears streaming down my face and looked at my dad who couldn't talk to us at this point and told him he NEVER has to pretend things are okay for me and shouldn't do it for anyone else either.  I explained that I was upset, I was allowed to be upset, and that I was having a hard time with the transition.  I wrote my phone number on the small board in his room.  I had a meeting the next day with my boss who was driving three and a half hours to come to my office and I couldn't go a night without sleep.  I had to leave.  I begged the nurse to check on him frequently.  He couldn't use the call button, he couldn't use the suction on his own, he couldn't yell for help.  After staying a while the nurse saw how upset I was and promised she would take good care of him that night.  I left and literally cried the entire night... I think my phone call to Kimberly that night had to have been a difficult one for her.  She can usually talk me down.  It wasn't working that night.  

Fast forward (wish I could have done that in real life) to this week... I'll start with the negatives but will end on the positives.  Because really the positives are all that matter at this point.  Dad is still not getting the care that I would like.  But he has made a ton of progress.  He has to wait longer for things he needs than he should be, they aren't the most professional and I worry way too much.  But this is where we are today: 

• NO MORE VENTILATOR!!!!!
• Trach may be removed tomorrow (fingers crossed) 
• Tomorrow might be his last dialysis (toes crossed)   While typing this blog I found out NO MORE DIALYSIS!!!!
• Eating on his own with less tube feeds (last night he ate a real sandwich) no more mush grossness
• He has been getting up (with help) and sitting in a chair to eat
• Physical Therapy has begun and he is walking
• Talk has begun about transitioning him home

And most importantly....

I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM!!!!! 

He has even called me on the phone.  

So through all of this madness... miracles have happened.  And I am so incredibly thankful.   

I'm not sure if my family or I will ever be the same.  I pray that things continue in this direction.  That Brianna gets to see her papaw soon.  But today... I'm happy.