I LOVE MY TODDLER

We all see that frazzled mom in Target with a screaming child and think, "Man, this lady is a mess.  Who let her have a child?"

That was me last night.  

I was the mom that walked in those big red doors and let my child convince me that sitting in the big part of the cart was acceptable.  And I fooled myself into believing that it was a good compromise.  Until I got to the diaper aisle and the diapers took up the entire cart.  Where does a toddler go at that point?  Mine? She got to walk.  What did I just say???  Yes, she got to walk.  

We made it to the beauty section where I needed to grab some mascara.  A two year old running free in the beauty section, you ask?  A disaster.  Of course, it is a disaster.  Only an idiot would allow such insanity.  I look away to make my selection for half of a second when I hear, "Here, Mom.  Hold this." What is "this"?  The lid to a bottle of hand sanitizer.  

So what do I do at this point?  I pick the screaming toddler up and walk as fast as possible toward the checkout.  I make it to the checkout lane after she nearly jumps over my shoulder, hand her a bag of M&M's and finally get her to peacefully sit in the area of the cart designated for toddlers.  Why didn't I begin this trip with that stupid bag of M&M's?

The patient cashier scans my $124 worth of merchandise and explains that she feels my pain.  She has a three year old.  I enjoy a big sigh of relief.  

Then I reach in my purse for my debit card.  That is promptly when I realize that my debit card is still in the back pocket of the jeans I wore to the movie theater Saturday night (for my obviously much needed girl's night out) which is where I placed it after leaving the theater to get a drink before the movie began.  

I had no credit cards with me.  I didn't have enough cash to pay for even half of the bill.  My first thought?  Do I have enough money for the diapers and the M&M's?  Nope... not enough.  She cancels my order and assures me that I can pay for everything, including the half consumed M&M's when I return with my card.  

I make it halfway through the door when I realize.  I HAVE CHECKS!  Who still uses checks?  Me.  I use checks.  And as I'm using that check?  Some lady who I let go ahead of me in line looks back and says, "Be patient, Mom."  I wanted to patiently punch her in the face.   

I make it to the car without assaulting anyone, including my toddler, and load everything in.  I pull out of my parking spot and the screaming begins.  One of Brianna's beloved "kiki's" (blankie) didn't survive our trip to Target.  And you better believe I didn't go back in to get it.  If she is lucky I'll check the lost and found when I'm there in a few days to shell out my next $124.  

And she has only been two years old for thirteen days.  I'm scared.  Very scared.