Soon

It is currently 2 AM and my decision to start going to go to bed early for the past week is not working out so well.  The first few nights and days were fabulous.  I woke up actually feeling rested after going to bed soon after I put Brianna to sleep and now... the night I truly need the sleep because I have to work tomorrow, I find myself awake hours before it is time to begin my day!

Most of the time when I have trouble sleeping it is because my mind is racing.  It usually helps to pray, try to think about thinks I'm happy or excited about and try to put myself at ease.  It isn't working right now!  One of the biggest things on my mind is that my little girl is going to be a two year old next week.  That is so soon!

I keep putting the thought of "two" off.  With planning one party and helping with another it is a bit of a distraction. I didn't send invites out with much notice because of this denial.  But realizing she is so independent and only needs Mommy sometimes makes me both proud and a little sad.  I love her so much and I hope she knows it!  Every single thing I do is in love for her and our family.

I not only love her... I like her a lot!  She is funny, curious, loving, considerate, stubborn, persistent and most of all, sweet.  Last night I was helping her get dressed and for the first time she insisted on which hair bow and shoes that she wear.  I let her make the decision by giving her two choices of each and she got to choose.  I was terrified.  But this is a good thing!  I am happy that she has an opinion.  I have worked tirelessly as a Mommy to make sure she knows she has a voice.  That she can be heard.  And this is just the beginning.  There will be some rocky phases, I'm sure, but I'm proud that she is finding her voice.  Even if for now that means that mostly means in clothing, food and television preferences.

I love how she confidently goes about her day but little things bring her back to my leg.  That is usually all of the reassurance she needs.  To know that I'm there.  I want to pick her up and snuggle her every time but I know there is a time and place for that.

Her innocence is one of my favorite things to ever exist.  And I know it won't be here for long.  But I pray for knowledge each and every step of the way.  Preschool is not far off and that gets the whole schooling thing rolling.  I want to push back and deny it but it is part of life.  And she will be okay.  Michael and I will be okay.

This really wasn't meant to be a depressing post.  This is just what is on my mind at the moment.  I think every parent thinks their child is destined to do great things.  I know my baby is too.  I just want to make sure I help and not hinder that.  For now I want her to feel loved to the fullest every day.  And appreciated.  There has never been a greater joy in our lives!