It Doesn't Get Any Easier

Ten short weeks after giving birth I spent an entire week holding a SLEEPING bundle of perfection and cried my eyes out. Why??? I had to go back to work! I was leaving the most important thing I had ever done and had to go help complete strangers. In what universe does that make sense? It didn't matter that I was leaving her with my mother three days and a close friend the other two. It didn't matter that I was able to get off at three pm and have the entire evening with her as well as every weekend. It didn't make sense.

Almost a year and a half later I am sitting awake at nearly midnight saying the same exact thing. It doesn't matter that I now work a four day work week. It doesn't matter that our next door neighbor watches our busy toddler so she can stay at her own house, play with her own toys, sleep in her own bed and have constant one on one attention. I miss her every second I am away. I miss her right now when she is sound asleep in the next room. It doesn't make sense!

I apologize to my co-workers for all of my complaining. They too, have to leave their children to come to work. But they also have to give ME a pep talk daily. As I was whining this morning a co-worker reminded me... Monday's are always especially hard for you. I realized when she said this that I have never adjusted. I still want to be the one with my sweet girl. No matter how well she is being taken care of or how much I feel I need a break... I still want to be the one with her!

I often feel weak these days and I don't like it at all! Thank you to all of my amazing friends and family who are there to support me in these moments of weakness!

The truth is... I respect every mother. The mothers who make sacrifices so they can be home with their little ones AND the ones that spend their time counting down the seconds until they can see that smiling little face.

And those women who do it a second time? Or third time? They blow my mind! Those women are super heroes!

Okay... Excuse me while I risk waking my baby so I can give her a kiss :)